The relationship starts very fresh, loads of excitement in the new bond. Lots of care and love. Slowly this relationship starts becoming weak, people around are pulled into the opinions, strong relationship becomes a tug of war between two strong women characteristics. The glass gets broken in some situation. The repair is fixed after a while, however broken glass can never be normal again. Most of the readers would be able to sync this scenario with the relationship journey of the mother in law and daughter in law. The ratio of smooth relationship of MIL & DIL especially in india is 1 : 1000 where only 1 such combo works out. Surprised ? Here is a small analysis, presenting 10 facts on why the beautiful relationship of a mother in law and daughter in law bond gets converted into monster in law and donkey in law ? And few tips to safeguard the relationship.
- Mindset : The mother in law feels the “power” is disturbed and the daughter in law feels she is not a “machine” to do house hold stuffs – hence these terms. Do not look at MIL’s as a politician with power and do not look at DIL’s household activities.
- Wrong relationship expectation: Every such relationship starts with maximum excitement , these two strong women think they have got another mother & another daughter (respectively). This is the first mistake. No one can replace your mother, even your husband. Similarly the bond between a mother and her daughter whom she carried in her womb for 10 months and grew her, enjoying her each stage of life – this is a different relationship. Trying to dump the new relationship into the most affectionate mother-daughter relationship is the big blur. So, respect the relationship of MIL-DIL and do not mix it with mother-daughter relationship.
- The man as a drum : These two ladies are connected through a common man who plays a vital role for both – a beloved son , a life partner husband. Hard to accept for both women , but the fact is a son can never hate his mother at the same time, the husband can never ignore or reject his wife. He treasures the love of his mother who gave him life and love , he also wants his own family- his wife and kids and he has the responsibility and love of keeping them happy. So, getting him stuck between the problems can never help. Rather it will end in a broken relationship with him, or the man gets over stressed. So, never expect the man to interfere or act upon your MIL-DIL issues.
- You are one family : This is not a class friend ego clash to bully, this is not a neighbourhood fight to stop talking, this is not even a distant relationship fight to stay away. This is a unique relationship , where you belong to one circle of family. Others who listen and support you on your quarrel stories are just enjoying the conversation and gossip, they never are gonna help. During the time of problems, during the decision making situations, during the emotional struggles, MIL and DIL will stand for each other, how much ever they quarrel, how much anger they maintain, the understanding between these two ladies come in. So,never utter words that will spoil this emotion.
- Two bosses have no team members : The heading explains all, when both of you want to take control of a situation, it is not going to help anyone. So, know your limits, know where you should NOT interfere. That will save much trouble. Do not poke your nose into each other’s decision. More importantly don’t pass on sarcastic comments.
- Wrong expectation : My mother will gift me on my birthdays but my MIL does not bother. My daughter / my first DIL serves me evening snacks but my DIL does not. These kind of complains are basically due to wrong expectations, attached to a comparison. See the person as unique character, do not compare and talk. This is a relationship where you have to learn the art of zero expectations.
- Feel happy : When your MIL is out for a foreign holiday, feel happy for her. When your daughter in law gets a promotion, congratulate her and feel proud. Amidst the negative reactions being expressed so nicely, these few chances to express your positive vibes to each other should not be missed. Feel happy for each other in their small steps.
We, Indians get into all possible combination of confusions in this relationship. These simple seven tips doesn’t untangle the toughness but straightens and avoids over expectation. Stay happy !
To see more on “Simple Seven” series, pls click on links below –
- Simple Seven tips : Level 1 Settling with new born
- Simple Seven tips : Organizing baby’s wardrobe
- Simple Seven Tips : 3 to 6 months – The first milestone
- Simple Seven tips : The art of breastfeeding